She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
