i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
