Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
