Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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