i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
