Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My hand turned me down
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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