You really coming over, don't trick.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
