Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
