Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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