there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
