I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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