we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
