You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
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