you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
