I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
