OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize