I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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