the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
