So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
