Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
