So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
