as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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