i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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