I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
