I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
