Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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