So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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