I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
