Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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