there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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