I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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