I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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