any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
