You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
