my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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