Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
