UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize