Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
