she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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