i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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