I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
