Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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