mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
