Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
