pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
That accounts for only three of the penises
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
