watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
