Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
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