Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
