WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize