What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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