His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
