He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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