I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Randomize
