Already got asked if we're dating
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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