I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We need to get me chipped asap
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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