he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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