If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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