So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
