someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
