i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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