Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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