I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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