I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
