Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize