dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
