Your face is a jimmy john
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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