i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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