Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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