On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
