I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
