is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
