someone owes me an orgasm
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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