how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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