And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just pee around me
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
