Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
