All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize