I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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