just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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