Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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