clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Pooping to opera.
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