Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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