I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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