Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
