Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
